S8:E24 – The ‘Bachelor in Paradise’ 2021 Intro

Summer may be winding down in the real life that you and live in, but it’s still going strong in the Bachelor in Paradise! Why, David Spade is hosting! And they got all these names having fun on the screen! Some of them may be rats habitating a facsimile of a human skin designed to trick the other contestants! Others might be playing volleyball! Fun?!

Except for Demi. We’re not sure what the hell Demi is doing.

Aaron Littleton is your host this week and he’s thinking about bee collecting (not keeping.) John Hurst is your co-host this week and he is dispensing sage advice from the depths of his blender.

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S8:E23 – Bac-Os Commercial

When you put Bac-Os on a salad, what you’re really trying to do is resign to fate. The salad is there. You’re going to eat it. You may enjoy eating it! You may not! But you’re probably not the most excited by it. You need something to take your mind off all that saladness. Bac-Os is there for you. It’s suggested by lettuce you’re about to eat and everything. You’re about to commit horrible vegetation atrocities. You might as well have a little fun to go with it. It’s Bac-Os!

John Hurst is your host this week and he’s looking for the most gamer of printers. Aaron Littleton is your host this week and he’s making the printable steak a thing!

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S8:E22 – Captain Planet Summon

Captaiinnnnnnn Planet! We’re summoning him with our rings! Our rings of elements! We have to be in close proximity to the other four to do so and unfortunately, we hate the other teens! We’re just going to use our cool water powers to make like a river and flow into the ocean! We don’t need those other elements! We especially don’t need Heart! Wait, what do you mean he is hypnotizing an army to give him cash?

Aaron Littleton is your host this week and he’s insanely good at remembering the names of the Planeteers. John Hurst is your co-host and did consider using the Earth Ring to play SimCity 2000 Land Development in real life. Reticulating splines.

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S8:E21 – Grant Nel Scores 0 Points with Failed Dive

Grant Nel took the dive like a champ. Hi fives, smiles, the only thing red was probably he back from the failed dive. I mean, what else can you do? When you receive a vision of the future and it is a zero score, you can’t exactly walk back down? You gotta follow through. Accept your fate. At least you know a teenage lifeguard won’t be saving you. You’re safe from the Panel of Uncool for just a little longer.

John Hurst is your host this week and he’s putting a little falsetto in his voice to enrage Aaron. Aaron Littleton is your co-host this week and he is being left at the pool mistakenly as the cloned version of himself.

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S8:E20 – Breyers Viennetta Ice Cream TV Commercial

Here’s your one chance, Fancy! Don’t let me down! Get the nice cat glasses out and let’s eat Viennetta! It has… Layers? Of Dairy? It’s not an ice cream. Legally we can’t call it an ice cream. We can legally say layers though, right? … Our lawyers say to hold off on the layers. Okay, fair enough but the point is it’s got curves and weird little swivel thingies. Like a fancy thing! Rebecca, please put away the steampunk goggles. You’re ruining tea time.

Aaron Littleton is your host this week and he’s a two time COVID fighting champ (He’s doing okay!) John Hurst is your co-host and he’s not ready for his big introduction.

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